Kind of scared

Alright, I’m going to admit it once and for all. I’m petrified.

A little dramatic? Perhaps. But I can’t help but think about all of the possible things that can happen, or go wrong. My main concern: Not being accepted anywhere. That factor is not sitting well with me at all. It makes me nervous. And if you didn’t know, I get stomachaches when I’m nervous or uneasy. Just so you get an idea, I’ve had a minor stomachache for over a week. Hello premature ulcers! The fact that I’m publicly sharing my experience doesn’t help either. Talk about humiliation if everything fails. I’d have to change this blog to “Well, looks like Jenny isn’t going to grad school after all.”

Everyone I mention this to says, “Don’t worry, you’ll get in.” But do you know how monotonous this is? Do you know the kinds of stipulations these schools have just to even be considered? It really makes me wish I had done a little better while at CSUN. Don’t get me wrong, I love school, I always have. I thoroughly enjoy being at school and learning new things. I just didn’t apply myself as much as I could have. I got bored really fast, I felt more challenged in high school than I did in college, and situations outside of school just made it harder to remain focused. But, I did hold part time jobs all throughout college, and I took a full load every semester of 15 units AND summer school in order to graduate in 4 years, which I did. What can I do, it’s too late now right?

I know I can handle it. I can do anything I set my mind to and when I want something, I do all I can to get it (Fairly of course. No stepping on people along the way, that’s just shitty). That holds true for a lot of things. Some may call it stubborn, but I just call it determination. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’m good at anything anyone puts in front of me. Please don’t think I’m bragging. I just mean that if I’m taught, I can do it. I’m always ready to learn, and I’m not scared to try new things. If someone asked me if I wanted to learn to fly a helicopter, I’d say yes. Why the hell not, you know?

I suppose what it boils down to is that another person will be deciding what I can and can’t do. That really bothers me. I like being in charge. Grades or a score on a test do not decipher my intelligence or my value as a person. I know I’m smart. I know I can do this. And I know for damn certain that I’m going to do my best. I’ve just got to stop being so paranoid I guess…

*cough* words of encouragement are greatly appreciated *cough*

el GRE

Just when I thought the days of standardized tests were behind me, I found out about the Graduate Record Examination (GRE). Oh how I love having my worth as a human being determined by a test.

This Greatly Ridiculous Exam (I totally nailed that one), is required for admission by most, ok… ALL grad schools. It’s almost like the SAT except a little harder, a lot more evil, and mucho expensive. Truthfully, I had no idea that I needed to take this test until I started doing my research for schools and application requirements. I’ve got to register by September 19, and the exam will be on October 25. That gives me a little over a month to prep myself in order to get a grad-school-worthy score. I’m definitely going to invest in some GRE prep books. This is going to be fun. Oy.

Organizzle (yes, you read that correctly)

One thing that I’ve learned pretty quickly about this whole application process is that you need to be organized. I can’t stress that enough. And let me tell you, this is coming from someone whose organization skills have been MIA since birth. I will be the first to admit that I definitely lack in the arrangement department. That’s not to say that I don’t have any. I mean, I can do it when absolutely necessary, like when I arrange my nail polishes and lip glosses by color. Not really. When it comes to school or paperwork, all hope is lost. It’s a miracle I even made it through my 19 years of schooling. So in order to fix that problem, I went out to my local Staples Center and got myself a snazzy dry erase board to hang in my room. And the best part… I got colored markers. Giggety.

I tend to be a visual person and I need to write things down in order to remember them, so I figured having one of these babies in my room would be the best way to keep on task and get things rolling. So I said goodbye to a couple of picture frames on the wall and put Mr. Dry Erase in its place instead. I’ve also designated a notebook for the sole purpose of writing necessary information like phone numbers, email addresses, due dates, etc. I’ve also realized that this is a very boring entry, so I’m going to stop now and allow you to recuperate here: hamster

Inauguration

Ok… ok. I suppose the title of this blog can be a little deceiving right now, considering I’m not in grad school yet.

Yes, I’m a filthy liar.

You see, I’ve decided to document my journey through the process of applying to grad school (and going to grad school… hopefully). I suppose I’m doing this for my own silly reason to keep me motivated, because so far I’ve realized that this whole process is a little too tedious for me. I want things to happen now God damn it! But yeah, no fairy godmother to poof me into school. I’ve got to do the legwork before anything actually happens.

I made the conscious decision during my senior year in college to take a year off and focus on work and what I really want to center on before picking the books up again. Having graduated three months ago with my degree, I came to the conclusion that “reality” sucks, and I secretly miss school. If that’s not nerd status, I don’t know what is. Fortunately, I was able to find a job literally a week after graduating, so I can’t really complain about being unemployed like a lot of my peers.

So inter-friends, I'll keep this one short. I thank you in advance for joining me on this journey. It’s going to be tough, but so is steak well done. (If you didn’t even smile at that one, you have no soul.)