Alright, I’m going to admit it once and for all. I’m petrified.
A little dramatic? Perhaps. But I can’t help but think about all of the possible things that can happen, or go wrong. My main concern: Not being accepted anywhere. That factor is not sitting well with me at all. It makes me nervous. And if you didn’t know, I get stomachaches when I’m nervous or uneasy. Just so you get an idea, I’ve had a minor stomachache for over a week. Hello premature ulcers! The fact that I’m publicly sharing my experience doesn’t help either. Talk about humiliation if everything fails. I’d have to change this blog to “Well, looks like Jenny isn’t going to grad school after all.”
Everyone I mention this to says, “Don’t worry, you’ll get in.” But do you know how monotonous this is? Do you know the kinds of stipulations these schools have just to even be considered? It really makes me wish I had done a little better while at CSUN. Don’t get me wrong, I love school, I always have. I thoroughly enjoy being at school and learning new things. I just didn’t apply myself as much as I could have. I got bored really fast, I felt more challenged in high school than I did in college, and situations outside of school just made it harder to remain focused. But, I did hold part time jobs all throughout college, and I took a full load every semester of 15 units AND summer school in order to graduate in 4 years, which I did. What can I do, it’s too late now right?
I know I can handle it. I can do anything I set my mind to and when I want something, I do all I can to get it (Fairly of course. No stepping on people along the way, that’s just shitty). That holds true for a lot of things. Some may call it stubborn, but I just call it determination. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’m good at anything anyone puts in front of me. Please don’t think I’m bragging. I just mean that if I’m taught, I can do it. I’m always ready to learn, and I’m not scared to try new things. If someone asked me if I wanted to learn to fly a helicopter, I’d say yes. Why the hell not, you know?
I suppose what it boils down to is that another person will be deciding what I can and can’t do. That really bothers me. I like being in charge. Grades or a score on a test do not decipher my intelligence or my value as a person. I know I’m smart. I know I can do this. And I know for damn certain that I’m going to do my best. I’ve just got to stop being so paranoid I guess…
*cough* words of encouragement are greatly appreciated *cough*
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3 comments:
You'll do great sweetie! Just study hard for the GRE and knock 'em did with a killer personal statement! Who cares about the choices you made academic-wise in HS. You had fun and you grew, right? You're one of the smartest girls I know and gosh darnit you don't need a GRE score (or anything similar) to tell you that!
I meant in college not HS because you're done with college. Ack!
Someone needs to update.
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